all cried out over you

Well let's be honest even I don't believe that one. I am however on a very long streak of not crying. Many many many hours without a tear. Yeah Me!!! In full open and honest disclosure the real reason is there are just no more tears in there left to come out. I have been sad a lot today as is to be expected, but I just couldn't form a tear. This happened to me one time before in my life. I was in 6th grade and we were burying my grandfather. I cried all that day of his funeral, cried in the foyer of my church, following the casket in to church, and throughout the funeral. At the grave side service there wasn't a drop to fall down my cheek. Not even one single tear. My grandfather had been dying of cancer and many tears had been shed prior to that one day. I just think sometimes the body says enough is enough. I am trying to keep myself occupied. I just keep rereading all the wonderful comments, emails, messages and texts from so many friends. I am soaking up the love. And I started writing to him. Wait. Don't. Freak. Out. It's not a letter, or an email or anything to send. It's just a journal where I am writing to him the things that come each day that I wish I could say to him. I didn't start it until yesterday. In the days before that it was so hard not to be able to share with him so many things that occurred in my life. The kinds of things I wanted to talk to him about. I figured it was better to just write them down, as if I was writing him a letter. I don't think it will last long. I am hoping after a week or so I won't have anything left to say. Sometimes it's just a inside joke thing and others it's some news that may have happened. Like today I got one step closer to this fashion oriented thing I have been working on since last fall. I had about given up and got an email out of the blue. He knew how important this was to me. Keeping my fingers crossed for good news on Friday! And I got a few job leads this week that might pan out to something. The Irony is one of them is in his city. Luckily it's big enough that we would never have to see each other. Another thing that helped was packing away anything that reminded me of him. I mean anything. The comfy he gave me for Christmas, the laptop lap desk for my birthday, etc. There is not a trace of him in the little space that is my room. Here is the silliest thing of all. I can't wear any clothes or wear any shoes that I wore with him. I am sure eventually this will change but for now certain items of clothing remind me of wearing them with him, going to a festival with him, him, him, him. And that has to go, go, go! So I'm wearing some old school clothes. I had some more soup today and even ate some rice and chicken for dinner. The one thing that is saving me is that awful Liquid Alive. It's keeping me full of vitamins and the overdose of Vitamin B is having a calming effect. I must thank my health guru friend for that one! I think tomorrow I am going to tackle some time outside. A walk, a book in the sun, just something with lots of vitamin D. Keep the love coming. Like the Beatles sang "all you need is love, love, love is all you need". I may have lost one love but I have found I am loved by so many more. It's a different love but it's still great food for the soul.