Freedom always comes with a price

Happy July 4th, Independence Weekend. I was thinking about the high price of freedom as we celebrate our Nation's independence. In reflection on that price I thought of other kinds of freedom and what prices we pay for that as well. Sadly many people are getting divorced every day in the world. I know that even when they have made that choice it still come with a lot of pain and hurt. In my case the freedom wasn't wanted or by choice and yet I am single without him in my life and it hurts. Today is particularly hard. Our plans for this day were to watch the Peachtree Road Race, enjoy a pool party with friends, and watch fireworks from his balcony. I have been keeping myself busy every night since this week. I have only had one night I was alone at the house. I overscheduled kept busy and tried not to think. But today I have a lot of time on my hands and I keep thinking about what our day would have been like. I still miss him so very much. As much pain and hurt that he has caused and I still miss him. Everyone is telling me that he has to have found someone else. That men just don't walk away from a realtionship to be single. I wonder when it could have happened and who this girl is living the life I once had with him. Is she going to the pool party today in my place, and will she be sitting on the balcony kissing him and watching fireworks today? The hardest part about all of this is that I haven't heard word one from him. He really just walked away from me as I never even mattered in his life. I can't tell you how much that hurts. It's like someone saying to you that you don't matter and you have no value. I cried today for the first time in a few days. I wish there was a magic pill I could take and I could stop loving him too. I just don't know how someone does that. How can you be so in love one day and then another just simply say I'm done and drive away. I am sure breakups are always hard and I guess there is no easy way to handle them. I just keep thinking how could this man who is supposed to be so into other people, doing the right thing, being a good guy handle ours this way. He held me hand while walking to ice cream only to dump me on a park bench minutes later. When I said but you were just holding my hand his answer was I like holding your hand. And if I ever really mattered to him I don't think he could have just walked away as if it was nothing. Tonight it will be 9 days since that horrible night. I am going throught the motions but inside I am still dying. Today I wish I have never met him, because my freedom is coming with a brutal price.